Mommy Brain

This isn't a post about how I forgot someone's name that I've known for years...though that has happened.


Or, about leaving one's keys in the ignition with the car running for 45 minutes while I was on the treadmill at the gym...though, yes, that has happened too.


This is about the mental acrobatics my brain feels like it's doing throughout the day to keep pace with a very determined toddler and a very messy and active one year old, while also thinking about writing ideas and other things that fall at a slightly higher intellectual level. 


Does anyone else ever feel this way? 


I mean, like your brain is going to burst, literally, because so much is going on in it. 


I felt so crazy overwhelmed by everything going on in my brain today that I a) had a headache and b) took 8 of Ella's teething tablets because chamomile is an ingredient and I thought just maybe they would calm me down. I'm not joking. 


I do wonder if I have some version of ADD at times...I don't say that lightly, I wonder seriously. I CANNOT stay focused! Seriously ladies, is this ADD or just mommy brain? 


Let me give you a little play by play of the day here...


It was a decent morning...I got a little bit of writing done at Panera and met with a publishing colleague whom I'm doing some work for. 


But, while mommy time is nice, do you ever feel like you pay for it later?


Like when you come home and your babysitter (who you love!) somehow put your one year olds clothes on your almost three year old...

And there is diaper cream on the rug at the top of your stairs because you thought your toddler was "pretending" to put it on her animals, but she decided to really put it on them...

And your kitchen looks like this because you were not around in the morning to unload the dishwasher and make sure everything was tidy after breakfast...

And you're children are running around half dressed giving each other "check ups"- 

So, after an introspective time of writing and concocting new ideas for essays and articles that I would love to work on, I came home to two hungry children, jump right into the chaos and start feeding Ella Spinach and Potato Baby Food and attempt to clean up that disaster of a kitchen. 

What would happen if Barrack Obama had to come home after a good morning of meetings and research only to have baby spinach spit back at him, macaroni and cheese to clean up off the floor, and a diaper cream mess to tackle? I think his brain might be doing mental acrobatics too.

I'm kinda jokin' here, but I do believe this to be the ultimate challenge of motherhood: Finding space in your brain for the creative and the mundane. Balancing your responsibilities with your passions and desires. Trying to write or do some research for an article in the scraps of moments you might have before children start screaming, and pots and pans are pulled out of cupboards and toddlers are yelling for you to come and inspect their poop before they flush it. 

I've told Scott that my mind often feels like there are 14 radio stations playing at any one time...now that I have children I think that number has increased.

I wish I had an answer, or solution, or handy dandy tip to offer in case any of you ever feel this way, but all I really have is empathy and understanding. I'm saying some prayers that God will calm some of the chaos in my brain...or at least allow me to recover some version of my former thinking self in a couple of years when the girls are in school and I attempt to do a bit more professional work than I'm doing now. 

In the meantime, I'll keep taking pictures like this that make it all worthwhile...