The Great Spousal Debate: Who Has it Harder?!

     Scott and I have an ongoing joke about what he does during the day; he goes to the country club, hangs out with the guys, and has his every need met.

    The conversation started sometime after Ava was born and he came home to tell me about his hard day and I just raised my eyebrows...you know the raising of the eyebrows that says, "Don't even get me started and please stop while you're ahead?!"

   So now, anytime I give him "the look" he gives me the "oh, right, I was at the country club all day."

   Please know that I'm writing this post from a place of relative lightheartedness. I do appreciate all that Scott does. He is a very hard worker, a very responsible husband and father and is super hands on with our girls. He is the best husband in my world, and if there were contests for best husbands he would be sure to win awards- I'm sure a lot of you ladies can say the same about your own.

    All that said, I KNOW many of you have thought this before while your husbands get ready for work in the morning, especially if you are a stay at home momma like me. You've thought, "I would love to be taking a shower all by myself right now, putting on nice clean work clothes and going to a place where I can do a task in peace, eat my meals without having children hanging from my ankles, and formulate several logical and intelligent thoughts in a row without interruption."

    Or, on the days when hubby just freely drives to his doctor or dentist appointment; "Hmmm, how nice to be able to just hop in the car and go to an appointment without having to arrange childcare or take a child with you who will sit up on the examining table asking four hundred questions while they rip the paper and beg for lollipops, which you've brought to keep them quiet, but are now feeling guilty about because you're thinking the doctor is judging your parental tactics and the amount of sugar your child is eating."

    Or, my favorite, which happened today, and brought our favorite sarcastic filled conversation back to the forefront:

    "Hmmm, stopped to get a haircut, huh...must be nice to get your haircut."
    "Mmmm. We're going to go there again huh?"
    "I have to say it."
    "Mmm. Great."

    See, because the fact of the matter is, even in order to get a haircut there is this whole matter of figuring out when someone can watch the children, and for how long, and arrangements must be made, and lunch figured out and then you end up showing up at your hair appointment with bushy eyebrows and greasy hair and crooked bangs you cut yourself, and no make-up on because you rushed out of the house, and your hairdresser looks at you like, "I'm good, but not sure I can perform miracles here!"

   Which is pretty close to what happened to me last week. And then I got a bad haircut to top it off.

    So, after coming in from having met some guys out for a "business" breakfast and having stopped to get a haircut and then getting ready to begin a peaceful hour long drive in the car to a meeting while the girls were yelling at each other in the background, I couldn't hold back the following,

   "Really? You're going to tell me you'd rather stay here right now, right? That it would be easier?"Grin. Grin. Grin.

   Ah. The poor guy. I mean what defense does he really have at that point.

   He didn't even try.

    I know this bantering we've begun really accomplishes nothing. It actually makes me feel a little childish. Like I'm in fifth grade and back on the playground and arguing with some freckled face boy about how he has cooties and how much better girls are than boys!

    I also know that a more mature version of myself would work on the snarky comments and replace them with praise and thankfulness for all that my hubby provides; the house, the food, the cars, the clothes, the health insurance...the list goes on and on.

    I'm reading this book right now with my mom and my sister. It's called Becoming the Woman God Wants me to Be, by Donna Partow. The entire book is focused on Proverbs 31 and how the passage has applications for our lives today. Here is verse 1:

"A wife of noble character, who can find. 

She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing of value."

    I know Scott would say this is true of his life, and he is so sweet for saying such things, but if I could really read his inner thoughts I'm sure there would be a wish in there that I'd stop comparing our roles and instead appreciate each other for all that we BOTH do.

     At the end of the day we both have sometimes hard and very important jobs, but it is why we got married-- it is why God brought us together-- so that neither of us would have to do it all on our own.

    This entry is as much a forum for me to joke about the kinda ugly and snarky, but also a place to proclaim my gratefulness for the wonderful man that God brought into my life to share in this sometimes hard job called parenthood, and how because of God and my hubby, the job is actually so much easier than it would be on my own.

   While I'm sure I will have other days where my envy overshadows my gratefulness, I hope to continue to become a woman who my husband does have full confidence in, and that I can provide a home where he feels valued and not undermined.

   Because I'm not 10 and on the playground anymore, and have hopefully matured to a place where it's not about who is better, but how we can both better each others lives.