The Absent Minded Momma

Alright mommas, I've got another story for you.

Some of you are probably thinking, "Come On Lady? Does this stuff REALLY happen to you? I mean this much silliness in your life? ALL the time?"

And others will rightfully be thinking, "Honey, you NEED to get your act together."

To which I will respond, "Yes. This stuff really does happen to me. I swear I am not making it up merely in a desperate attempt to lure you to my blog."

And...

"Yes, my fellow mommas and ladies...I NEED to get my act together one of these days.!"

Before I tell you my story, the title of this blog post describes quite well my diagnosis of late. I AM absent minded.

Seriously, I walk in the house from the grocery store or from running errands and I lay things like my keys and wallet or other personal belongings down in random places. I do this while I'm greeting my children who come running to me like I've been away on safari on the other side of the world for several months and have neglected their every need in the process...I quickly lay things down and attend to them...and often don't mentally focus on what I'm laying down or where it is.

And then, depending on how many bags I have, I may bring most of them in the house and unload them, or throw them in one of the many baskets in the mudroom. Sometimes things get put in their rightful "home", sometimes (more often) things get put in temporary homes...homes in which I hope to rescue the things from before they become "homeless" or "lost"!

 We also have piles of paper typically stashed all over our counters and table spaces; you know books, mail, magazines, art projects, coupons, random notes to self, that sort of thing...sometimes it helps me find things...more often than not, it makes it more difficult!

For example, I'll write something very important on a very bright post-it note and stick it in a VERY good place (usually while I'm tending to a toddler crises or making lunch or cleaning the kitchen). And then, 2 days later, when I need said post-it note I send myself into a tizzy as I search desperately through the piles of papers and artwork and coupons. Sometimes I find the note, sometimes I don't....the problem is, it doesn't just happen with notes!!! And it's starting to get the best of me!

So, for the fun of it, I decided to do a little self-diagnosis before writing this blog entry and found the following definition for "Absent-mindedness"

"The distraction of attention from the object of focus by irrelevant thoughts or environmental events....Beyond the obvious costs of potential accidents there is lost time, efficiency, personal productivity and quality of life."

Seriously, my photo should be smack dab right next to the definition on Wikipedia!

So here is my most recent "story" the unfortunate result of my "condition"!

I had a birthday party to attend this past weekend-- it was the birthday party for a one-year old girl, daughter to a pretty close friend. Now, as you have heard, I have actually missed birthday parties before (because I wrote the wrong date on my calendar!) and I have also been known to be running around town the day or even several hours before the event looking frantically for the perfect gift.

Not this time! I was on TOP of things.

Now, this friend is a very sweet mom. The kind of mom who bought a very thoughtful birthday gift for my 3 year old this past summer. Her older daughter actually brought a homemade card and they gave Ava a really sweet devotional book designed for pre-school girls. It was a heartfelt gift and I wanted to return the favor.

A full week before the party I made a special trip to our local Christian bookstore because I wanted to return the kindness with just as thoughtful a gift. She had mentioned seeing these books published by Zondervan with Boz the bear.  I brought home a really cute Boz book, and another really cute chunky book on thankfulness with big, colorful pull out pieces-- it was the kind of thing I knew they would appreciate because she is a Christian momma like myself who is always trying to find fun and creative ways to share good values with her girls.

Now, fast forward to this past Saturday...a half hour before the party was supposed to start when I was finally going to get around to wrapping the gifts.

I wake up from a short nap, go into the kitchen to make some coffee and casually saunter into our dining room where I am convinced I left the bag with the books. Nothing.

Crap.

I start rifling through the baskets and the piles and the papers...I mean they're books, they might be piled under the other books, right? Nothing.

Crap.

Mudroom...nothing.
Living room drawers, bins, baskets, under the couch. Nothing.

Crap. Crap. Crap. (I know that doesn't sound very Christian of me but you would have been thinking the SAME thing...I mean, I didn't SAY it aloud in front of my kids or anything!)

I look in my bedroom under piles of clothing. Nothing. I look in our spare room under piles of clothing. NOthing. I check the hallway and the basement and the garage. Then the dining room, again. And the mudroom, again. And my bedroom and the guest room, and the basement. AGAIN.

NOTHING!

Miss Absent Mindedness here evidently came in from her evening out and put those books in a really good spot that was supposed to be very obvious to me when the time came to wrap them. Ahem...too bad I couldn't remember the very good spot.

Alright, by this time I'm thinking plan B. I have a whole bunch of presents in the basement that I had purchased for my girls and my sister's boys ahead of time for Christmas!

I run down there and find big chunky truck and dinosaur puzzles. Furry plastic princess shoes. Princess puzzles with 50 pieces...workbooks for 3 -year olds, clothing items for 2T's and some dress up stuff in size 4T....not so much the perfect gift for a 1 year old.

Alright...I had bought a really cute stuffed elephant at TJ Maxx earlier in the day so that was going to have to be part birthday present...but I needed something else.

I grab my keys, some tissue paper and a gift bag, say goodbye to Scott and head out. The only place not out of my way at this point is Rite Aid.

Great. I go from wanting to be personal and all Christianly moral to the corner drug store! Such IS my life.

I scan the aisles. I see really cheap princess stuff, Chutes and Ladders, very scary looking plastic dolls, large bins of play dough, light brites....you know...all sorts of stuff TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE for a 1 year old girl. I settle on a Happy Birthday Sesame Street Coloring Book and some chunky crayons. I KNOW she's probably not coloring, but she will be soon...so at least it's practical.

I drive to the party, now an HOUR late with my very impersonal present. Fortunately, there were quite a few guests and quite a few presents, so I'm sure this very sweet one year old's birthday was not very impacted by my absent mindedness...

All that to say...ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Does my life really have to go this way? I was standing in Rite-Aid, staring in disbelief at my options and thinking, "Only me! No other party attendee is standing in their local drugstore at this moment (1/2 an hour after the party had already started) looking for a gift!

Anyway...

I do have intentions of becoming a more organized person...it's actually one of my new years resolutions from last year that OBVIOUSLY did not get resolved.

All that said...don't I get to blame these things on mommy brain at least until my children are in kindergarten. Because, truly, being home full-time with a 3 1/2 year old and a 21 mo. old really is enough to make you batty on most days.

So, to my lovely, thoughtful friend and one of my most dedicated blog readers, "SORRY for the kinda lame birthday gift!" I have a really cute BOZ book sitting on my kitchen table that I am going to bestow on you later this week because as soon as I walked in the door from the party Scott told me he found my bag, with the gifts, under the bed in the guest room....Not really sure how it got there.

On a positive note I recently purchased, at 50% off, 3 hours with a professional organizer....I think I better call her before I lose the voucher and her phone number!


P.S. A mere couple of minutes after finishing this post (at Barnes and Noble) I packed up and was ready to go home and have dinner with the family. I put all my stuff in my bag, put my coat on and go to grab my key. No Key. Nowhere!

I fumble through my purse and pull EVERYTHING out. No key.

I ask the girl at the cafe counter. No key.

I ask the service desk. No key.

I take all of the contents of my bag out again! No key.

I go back to the cafe, check my table and then interrupt a stranger (whose table I had sat at momentarily before I realized there was no plug.) No key!

I go out to the car. Locked.

I go into the store and decide I'm going to shake my bag up and down and hope the key was hiding somewhere...

10 frenzied minutes later it turns up in the pages of the Oprah magazine that I pull out of my bag.

Enough said.