You Know You're a Mom When...

    


      More and more moments in each of my days are reminding me that I am fully, completely, indisputably, inexorably a mother.


     Not that I'm trying not to be one... but as a young mom you still find yourself momentarily looking back and considering the "way it used to be", if ever so briefly, and only for a moment you think wouldn't it be nice to be young and carefree...if only for a moment...


     And then...


-     You are getting ready for your MOPS meeting, staring at the bags under your eyes in your bathroom mirror and feel a sneeze coming on...the first instinct of my "young" (non-mommy) self would have simply been to raise my hand to my mouth to cover the oncoming sneeze. Now my instincts are two- fold-- lift hands to mouth while automatically crossing my legs and squeezing them tight (if you don't know what I'm talking about...well, you are very, very lucky or perhaps you had a C-section...that's all I'll say about that!).

-     You are about to head out the door to take the kids to preschool and take quick inventory of your "purse"...er...um...large "mom" bag...and find that you have...2 lollipops, a pacifier, a pull-up, some lipstick, your phone, your wallet, several random crayons, a baggie with extra tinker bell underwear, baby wipes and small piles of crushed goldfish.

-     On a morning that your husband has taken the kids to preschool you have several extra minutes to get ready without requests, whines and other bodies to dress..so you...pull your hair back, put on a necklace and some earrings and actually tuck your black t-shirt into your jeans...your husband comes home just as you are leaving and says...."Wow! You look cute!"...I mean, we're talking jeans, old t-shirt and a little bit of lipstick here.... it apparently doesn't take much these days!

-     While in said car driving the girls to preschool on another morning you listen to CD #4: Childhood Songs by Elmo and Friends for the nine millionth time. Even though you feel as if you would rather lick the bottom sole of a sanitation worker's boot than listen to that CD one.more.time you turn it on anyway because you know it will keep the kids quiet. 

  -     You find yourself boiling over, raging mad, ready to blow your lid about....no, not something important like an unfair lawsuit, or the injustice of poverty, or a ridiculous IRS bill, but....Green Beans!  That's right...uneaten green beans suddenly make you a raving lunatic. Ella and I had a 45 minute battle of the wills at lunch today because she will stand in her chair, lay on her chair, spill water on her chair, ask for kisses from her chair, she'd probably do a handstand in her chair if she knew how-- she will do ANYTHING from her chair at the table  lately except....EAT HER FOOD!!! It drives me nuts if you couldn't tell.... 

Ella a year ago not eating during a camping trip...things haven't changed much! 

 
-     Your husband goes to the pet store and spends $44 on an aquarium and dead crickets to house and feed a snapping turtle that your daughter found on your sidewalk on a random afternoon.

-     You find yourself locked in the bathroom on your own accord because either you have   a) given yourself a self appointed "time-out", or b) you can't handle answering one more question from a preschooler about the state of your goings on on the potty...needless to say, whatever the reason, I'm quite surprised by how often I find myself locked in the bathroom...
 

-     You find yourself really no longer caring that you are driving a 10 year old car, with 190,000 miles on it (I'm not exaggerating about that!) and filled to the brim with stuff that needs to go to the Salvation Army...except you have no time to get to the Salvation Army so you end up driving around for five days straight, to and fro, simply looking like the Beverly Hillbillies, but realize you're doing the best you can so if people want to think you're a bit trashy...well, maybe they can offer to take your trash to a drop of location for you! 

That's all I've got at the moment...these are just the front of mind, happened with the last 48 hours sorts of things. If you have a funny "You Know You're a Mom" moment, please share...it will help me re-establish some sense of mental normalcy to know that I'm not the only one!