Waving My Wand

Are you a momma who has ever wished she had a magic wand?

A magic wand to...

• Make meals
• Sort, wash, dry, fold and put all of the laundry away
• Do your grocery shopping
• Organize your children's school paperwork
• Organize the itty bitty pieces that belong to your children's overabundance of toys
• Clean up after making meals
• Plan meals
• Make more meals
• Make all the beds in the house all at once
• Clean the inch thick layer of dust off of the cabinet hanging over the toilet and on ALL light fixtures
• Pull all of the out of season clothing out of closets, sort it and put it away. Then hang all the new, in-season clothing for multiple children.
• Go shopping for boots, gloves, hats, socks...all the warm weather stuff...for multiple children
• Return the endless bounty of things that wind up needing to be returned because they are defective or don't fit and wind up sitting in our mud room until that can no longer be returned 
• Iron your clothes that have been crumpled at the bottom of your bed or in a laundry basket for too long
• Make your weekly Target trip for diapers, and toilet paper and wipes and juice boxes and stickers and crayons and paper and...the list goes on.
• Take your shower for you...poof...in one minute- cleaned, hair washed,dried and ready to go (why must this take SO long?!)...while we're onto this...maybe the wand can shave my legs, dye my roots and paint my toenails all at the same time...
• Organize my refrigerator and freezer so I don't buy a 17th bag of frozen peas because I was sure we were out of them! 

I'm sure you could all add a lengthy number of items to this list as well...My friend Dana from church wrote this on Facebook yesterday...

  

"I feel like I'm about a month behind on life."

Oh momma, I feel you! I do too!

If the magic wand could just do all of those things for me I could finally more consistently get around to the things that feel more important to me...the things that I wind up feeling guilty and sad for not getting to...

• Going on dates with my husband
• Going for long walks with my kids
• Working on memorizing Bible verses with my kids or listening to good music or taking them to the ballet...
• Working on the blog posts that I'd love to share or starting the book that thumps around in my heart and mind daily. 
• Making cookies for my neighbors. 
• Eating my lunch without shoveling into my mouth like I'm in a donut eating contest vying for the most amount of food in the shortest amount of time
• Pulling out my vegetarian cookbook and trying something new

This list could go on and on too.

I know. I know. We're supposed to put those things on the second list FIRST. But it's HARD...isn't it? It doesn't quite work that way all the time. 

I have another confession here...

I never expected motherhood to be this all consuming. To be this...dare I say it aloud...overwhelming. 

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. 

No one told me you would love your kids SO immensely, but that they would present so many new needs and demands and "to-dos" into your life that you would feel like you could hardly keep up. That you would begin to feel like a cooking, cleaning, shopping, management machine...

That you would feel like you no longer had time to do the things you used to love to do...That you would feel like you were running so fast and so non-stop just to keep up with the daily stuff (we're not even talking extras here!) that you feel like someone should give you a permanent brown paper bag in case you start hyperventilating. 

That you would TRY your best to enjoy the moments, just like everyone says, but that you would be quite surprised by the fact that they must be enjoyed in the midst of such chaos. 

Who knew?! 

...That you would feel sad that you no longer had time to do the things you used to like to do and that you would then feel sad for feeling sad because it somehow felt like you were a bad mom for feeling sad about it all...

I haven't blogged a whole lot lately...in part because I haven't had the time. 

In part because I feared that if I sat down to blog it would all sound like this...blah, blah, blah...overwhelmed...blah, blah, blah...tired...blah, blah, blah...this is nuts...blah, blah, blah...did I mention that I'm wee bit overwhelmed?

Here's another confession...Somehow, when you have your first child it feels ok to mention that you feel this way. It's all new. It's a life change. You're allowed to be shocked and feel a little crazed and dizzy and hazed. 

By baby #3...it feels, ironically, like you should have your act together. Like admitting that you feel overwhelmed is going to make people look at you like you're whiney and need to get your act together. 

So friends, I'm sorry if I sound whiney...I AM trying to get my act together...I SWEAR. 

I went on a field trip with Ella yesterday and was having a chat with another mom, who also has three (her youngest is 8 months old), about all of the craziness in our lives. 

I might have let my guard down and confessed that it all felt overwhelming.

She might have been totally candid and laughed while she said, "Oh gosh...I feel overwhelmed EVERY day of my life." 

I might have wanted to give her the most giant hug ever because her one moment of honesty helped me feel a little bit better about how I was honestly feeling. 

Instead I decided to be brave and just share it all here...that way if anyone else is feeling this way you can feel a little bit better too.

Dear Tired and Overwhelmed Momma, 

I want you to know that you are not the only one feeling the way that you do. I feel that way too! I'm sorry I can't come over and help you with all that needs to be done, but know that my house is JUST as messy as yours and many parts of my life feel just as neglected as yours and I'm hoping we'll be able to stand back and laugh about this all someday...

 I wish I could come over and give you a hug right now. I would sit in your mess or your could sit in mine and we could just laugh about it all. Laughter IS one of the best medicines (next to prayer!). I often think about inviting you over, but it feels...well, messy and overwhelming to do so...but maybe I'll get past that and just do it one of these days anyways. 

For now...we must try to do the things on our "B" list despite the things on our "A" list. We must love and hug in the midst of messes and enjoy the small moments in the midst of chaos. 

  Even though we feel disconnected sometimes, we're all actually in this crazy mess     together and I'm saying a prayer for you today.  

                                     Blessings to you, 
                                                                    Lisa



To leave you on a lighter note I must give my husband partial credit for inspiring this blog post. I was heading out of the house this morning to come to Starbucks to eek a blog post out of my hazy brain...I was going through the list of things that needed to be done and why I should not be going to sit at Starbucks to write a blog post (can you say major mommy/wifely guilt?!).

He said, Lisa, you need a magic "let it go" wand. When all of this stuff starts to make you anxious you need to wave the wand and say "let it go".  He asked Ella to bring him one of her wands. He handed it to the baby and let her wave it around for a minute (before she could put it in her mouth!).

"Let it go mom! Let it go." 

How can you not laugh at that?

So, I walked about of the door with my big computer bag and my books and my pens and my paper. I'm trying to let it all go...even though I confess I'm writing mental to-do lists as I sit here. I realize this is a season and we'll get it all figured out...or, at the very least, we'll get through it. Hopefully with a smile on our face and a pocketful of crazy memories.

And I suppose, if I really did have a magic wand, and the only thing it did was to  help me "let it all go" I'd probably be on a better road to mommy perspective recovery.

Really, at the end of the day, it's not about what we do or don't do or need to do...it's about our perspective in all that we do.

I'm going to keep waving that wand (or having Aubrey do it because it's way cuter !).

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6