Intentionality

      Can I just tell you, nothing makes me happier than to see Ava loving her little sister just because she wants to love her. Not because I told her to be nice, or to say hello to her, or to read her a book. 


    Typically, if I tell her to do it, it doesn’t last very long and is not very authentic. But, this morning, I was giving Ella her bottle and Ava came over and started kissing her head, and kissing her feet, and giving her a small stuffed bunny, over and over again. Then she asked me to put Ella on her lap and started giving her sips of juice from her own cup...This, my friends, is like motherhood utopia-- I wish it were like this ALL the time. 

    I don’t know that I can take any real credit, because I lot of this depends on Ava’s moods (isn’t that the way with us women!), but I do hold it as one of our houses highest commandments-- you ALWAYS need to love your sister, because she is a very important part of your life. 

    I try to implement this daily. If Ava pushes Ella I often put her in time-out and when time-out is over I make her apologize to Ella and then give her a nice kiss on her head. I try to enforce Ava saying good morning to Ella when they wake up, because Ava is often crabby about it and doesn’t want too- but I feel like it’s important. Just like it’s important for mommy to say good morning and I love you to daddy whether I’m in the mood to or not. You have to be intentional about these things, or else the time just slides by. 

   That brings me to a point I mentioned I would talk about this week-- intentionality. 

   I'm not sure if that is even a real world, but, even if I made it up, it is a concept that I'm am attempting to integrate into my life. It's about being proactive about your life and your day instead of reactive. 

   We all know what reactive looks like. When we sleep in and allow the children to wake us up, and then rush to start tending to their needs, and give into our every emotion, happy or crabby, bitter or sweet. It's a roller coaster is what it is. Sometimes high, sometimes low and as much as I like the excitement of a good amusement park ride, I don't so much like my life to feel that way. 

   Intentionality is the concept of living in such a way as to choose the way things are going to go, and then to be disciplined about following through. Here are some places that I try to work on being intentional:

   1. In my relationship towards my husband. If we don't set a date to spend time together, we don't do it. If we don't determine a plan of how a given Saturday is going to go, and who is going to watch the kids when so that we can each accomplish some of our own things, the day turns to chaos and we both get frustrated. 


   Sometimes it comes down to asking myself on a given day, "What could I do today that would bless Scott?" It might be keeping my frustrations about childcare to myself when he walks in the door, or leaving a sweet note for him on a post-it on the counter, or sometimes just deliberately sending him a quick email (he always checks his blackberry) about how grateful I am for him. 

   2. My day. I'm realizing if I don't get up before the girls I tend to be reactive for most of the day instead of proactive. I've been trying to get up at least 1/2 an hour before them. I spend time praying, reading my bible and then in the spirit of the quietness I write down what needs to be done that day, a brief and flexible schedule for when it will get done, and try to include some things I think would be fun for the girls...for example, I write down "play play dough with Ava", or "take the girls for a walk"...there is a lot of spontanaeity in our day as well, but sometimes I can get consumed with what I want to accomplish around the house or for myself and feel as if I'm neglecting what they'd like to do. 

   There are many more things in my life that I'm trying to be intentional and disciplined about; exercise, eating habits, sometimes even things like turning my computer off and forcing myself to not open it for several hours. 

    At the end of the day, while we can all often cringe to think about doing things we don't want to do, life flows better when we are intentional about doing what we need to do...that way, it almost makes you feel like you wanted to do it all along...you know, like cleaning out your fridge...mine is a disgusting mess, but it's on my to do list for the day and I'm going to be intentional about getting to it! 

Hope that made some sense to someone else but me! At the very least, force yourself to tell your husband 5 wonderful things he does for you when he gets home from work today-- it will change the mood of the entire evening!